Heart of Us Page 6

  ‘Huh.’ That made sense. I frowned, surprised I hadn’t thought of that myself.

  She sighed but turned toward me. ‘Here’s what to do…’

  Chapter 9

  Miranda

  Though things had been awkward at first, Jack’s easy way soon made me feel less on edge and more able to relax.

  I had concluded that I would probably always have feelings for him. But I also knew that, for my own sanity’s sake, we could never get back together again. Still, he lived next door, was my best friend’s brother, and he had been my friend since I was five. And if I wasn’t going to have him back, the next best thing was to be his friend.

  Yeah, his clear blue eyes still threw me off from time to time. They had a way of sneaking past my barriers and making me feel too much – vulnerable. And there were few things I hated as much as feeling vulnerable. But I had decided I would rather have his friendship and put up with the occasional wave of feelings, than have to cut him out of my life.

  Yeah, it was more than an occasional wave. It was more like every few hours.

  Or, maybe, every hour.

  It was all the time.

  But still, I would get over it. Besides, it was my problem, not his. Why should he lose a friend just because I couldn’t get my feelings under control? No, I was an adult and I would handle my feelings.

  Still, it was awkward.

  To distract myself, I immersed myself into setting up Project Cup, checking budgets, following up on emails and working on my itinerary for my visit to China.

  Jack and I had fallen into a routine of going for a run in the morning before going to work. If I avoided looking at him, I could focus on running and handle having a surface conversation about the weather and food fairly well. It was when my eyes accidentally wandered, and I took in his well-defined thighs and arms, that I struggled not to jumble my words.

  That rarely happened, though. Only maybe once or twice per run.

  Or slightly more often.

  Still, on the whole I managed to stay focused. And though I had been running for a long time, it was clear Jack was holding back as he matched his stride to mine.

  We were running on Arthur’s Seat, when he said, ‘Sophia gave me the dates you’re going to Hong Kong, so I booked onto the same flights. That’s ok, right?’

  ‘Sophia did what?’ I asked. Surely, I had misheard. Sophia wouldn’t do such a thing without talking to me about it first, would she?

  ‘Sophia gave me the dates–’

  ‘Yes, I heard you.’ I kept running, but my breathing was all over the place. ‘Why would she do something like that?’

  I glanced at Jack after going up the south side toward the pond at the top of Queen’s Drive. He wasn’t even winded. He kept running, staying silent as I tried to make sense of what was happening to me. Just the thought of going to Hong Kong with Jack made me feel nervous, as it reminded me too much of how our plan had been to get married and live there together. And as far as I was concerned, going to Hong Kong together to pretend all these years hadn’t happened wasn’t a good idea.

  I frowned. ‘And why would you want to go to Hong Kong together now?’

  ‘I had to go anyway, and I figured it would be nicer to go together,’ he said.

  I wasn’t sure I liked the sound of that. I shot him a look. ‘Really?’

  He slowed down and came to a stop, and I stopped, too, and looked out at the sea as I waited for him to reply.

  ‘Well, yeah. It would be nicer to go together. It’s a long journey.’ He shrugged. ‘But also, I figured I can show you around and stuff. You can stay at the company apartment where I’ll be staying.’

  My lungs were burning, and my body was aching from pushing it too hard whilst not breathing properly, and the suggestion of staying together with Jack in Hong Kong didn’t help. It sounded far too much like Jack was planning for us to have another chance at playing house in the Far-East together.

  Then again, maybe I was making a mountain out of a molehill. It wasn’t like I was going to take a year out to explore Hong Kong as Jack’s wife. This time, I was going because I had business in China, and there was a whole heap of things I needed to sort out.

  Ignoring Jack, I stared at the sea and focused on taking deep breaths. When my lungs were breathing easier and my body felt cooperative, I started running again.

  Jack shook his head at me and ran beside me, his long legs eating the pavement. He threw me the odd glance, but let me think in silence, and as we ran, I felt able to think again.

  Though I had been in contact with the companies in China for a while now, I was painfully aware of how out of my depth I would be. As much as I hated to admit it, I would need help with travel arrangements, and I would have to work out where to stay and find someone to translate for me. Jack had lived in Hong Kong for a long time; maybe he could end up being useful. And likely much cheaper than having to pay somebody to help.

  We had just passed Dunsapie Loch and were about to start going downhill again. I would usually take a minute to look at the view, but today it didn’t even register. It wasn’t often I made big decisions without spending some time with a spreadsheet first, but I decided this wasn’t really a very big decision. I had known Jack for most of my life, and surely it would be safer to travel with him than it would be to pay some random person to help me. Besides, if he was going anyway, what was the harm in making use of him?

  Still, I had some choice words for Sophia next time I saw her.

  We were almost home again by the time I said, ‘Fine, Jacky. How good is your Chinese?’

  ‘What? You’re asking for help?’ His hands were on his chest and his eyebrows were high on his forehead. He did a good job of the shocked Southern American accent.

  ‘Oh, shut up.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘Will you help out or not?’

  He gave me a smug look, his dimple on display as he raised his eyebrow. ‘Course I’ll help. Just let me enjoy this moment first.’

  ‘Yeah, yeah. Just…’ I tried to steady my breathing again. From his reaction, I realised I hadn’t been very clear about what I meant. I felt panic rising at the thought of him reading more into this than I intended, and stared him straight in the eye, waving my hand in the air. ‘This doesn’t mean anything. We’re not getting back together or anything. Ever.’

  He winked at me. ‘Who said anything about getting back together?’

  I sighed. ‘Uh-huh.’

  ***

  Once home, I pulled out my phone, not even checking my running stats before dialling Sophia.

  ‘Miranda, how’s it going?’ Her voice was cheery as she spoke.

  I had no time or energy for social niceties for someone who had just betrayed me. ‘Uh-huh. Did you give Jack my flight details for Hong Kong?’

  Sophia cleared her throat. ‘Well, you see… What happened was -’

  ‘What?’ I bit out. ‘What happened to make you do this to me?’

  Sophia caught a nervous laugh and said, ‘Do you think you’re maybe exaggerating just a wee bit now?’

  ‘Exaggerating?’ What was she thinking? I took a deep breath and sat down at the kitchen table. ‘Exaggerating. Uh-huh, sure.’

  ‘I don’t mean you don’t have reason to feel a little worked up, it’s just…’

  ‘Uh-huh, it’s just what?’

  ‘So, remember how we spoke about Jack, Nick and Michael being part of the board?’

  ‘Right.’

  ‘Well, Jack was really keen to be involved and said he would be happy to invest money, too, but he insisted on going to China with you. Basically, he blackmailed me.’ She sighed. ‘Think of it as taking one for the team.’

  ‘You didn’t think it would be a good idea to talk with me about this first?’ I rolled my lips between my teeth to keep from saying more.

  ‘Um, yeah. I should have done that.’ She groaned. ‘I’m sorry.’

  ‘Uh-huh, sure.’ I pinched the bridge of my nose and squeezed my eyes shut. ‘You know,
whatever. It’ll be okay.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Sophia put a little too much enthusiasm into her words as she said, ‘I’m sure it will be great. I know you guys broke up, but you’re friends, right?’

  ‘Right.’ It sounded hollow, even to my ears, and I wondered what on earth I was thinking agreeing with her then.

  ‘Right! Then, he’ll help you with whatever you might need help with, and you’ll have a great time together.’

  ‘Yeah.’ Having a great time with Jack was exactly what I was afraid of. I wanted to be friends with him, but maybe not the travelling across the world together kind of friends. It seemed that kind of friendship was likely to bring up feelings towards him that I didn’t want to feel. My shoulders slumped as I resigned myself to the fact that I was going to Hong Kong and China with Jack. ‘Next time, you check with me first, okay?’

  ‘Sure.’ Sophia said. ‘I really didn’t mean to upset you, Miranda. I’m sorry.’

  ‘I’m not upset.’ I was upset.

  ‘Mhm, yeah okay.’

  I decided the way to deal with the prospect of Jack and I going to Asia together was to pretend it wasn’t happening. That way I couldn’t stress about it. Instead, I immersed myself in my spreadsheets at work, and I spent my evenings working on the legal side of getting Project Cup set up properly.

  A week before I was due to go to Hong Kong, Miranda, Sophia and I met up at a little Greek lunch place in the Old Town.

  ‘You alright?’ Julia asked as I sat down at her table. Sophia wasn’t there yet.

  ‘Not bad.’ I smiled. ‘I booked my tickets for Hong Kong! I’m going on Saturday for three weeks.’

  ‘Yay! What did they say at work?’

  ‘It was fine.’ My manager seemed surprised when I asked for the time off but seemed happy to sign off on my request. ‘I have most of my annual leave still to take, so it wasn’t a problem.’

  ‘Great. And what’s this I hear about Jack going as well?’

  I might have rolled my eyes. ‘Aye. He says he’s got to go anyway, and he’s waited to book his tickets until he found out what dates I was going. I didn’t even tell him. Sophia the traitor told him.’ I wasn’t bitter. Not at all.

  ‘Ouch.’ She frowned. ‘She was probably just trying to be... kind?’

  ‘Nah, he blackmailed her. She asked him to come onboard as an investor, and he said he’d do it on the condition that she told him the dates I would be in Hong Kong, and that I stay with him when I’m there.’

  She seemed embarrassed her brother would behave in such a way. ‘Well, that’s awkward.’

  ‘Aye, no kidding.’ I took a deep breath and tried to put Jack out of my mind as Sophia burst through the door. ‘Speak of the devil.’

  Sophia narrowly avoided crashing into an older man as she hurried towards us. She pulled off her jacket and made some lame excuse about being late because she had left late. I might have glared at her as Julia got up to give her a hug. Sophia was never on time for anything, and she didn’t seem to have any respect for other people’s time either.

  ‘What?’ Sophia asked when she saw me.

  ‘That is the worst excuse ever. No wonder you’re late if you left late.’

  ‘Yeah, yeah, ok. Sorry.’ She chuckled to herself but gave me her best serious face as she pretended to take me seriously. ‘I’m sorry. Did you guys order yet?’

  ‘Not yet.’ We ordered our falafel wraps, and we got out our note pads and tablets as we waited for the food to arrive.

  ‘Right.’ Sophia got down to business. ‘I spoke to Jack, Nick and Michael, and they are all happy to come on board with funding and promotion.’

  I sneered. ‘At a price, of course.’

  Sophia sighed and dropped her pen on the table. ‘Are you going to be passive aggressive this whole meeting, or can we have it out and be done, do you think?’ Her eyebrows grazed her hairline as she looked me in the eye.

  I scowled at her. Though she had explained why she had told Jack, the more I thought about it, the more nervous I felt. And the more nervous I felt, the more annoyed I was with her for telling him in the first place. ‘If I wanted a trip to Asia with Jack, I’d have gone a long time ago. Like, for instance, when he asked me to marry him and move out there with him six years ago…’

  Sophia rolled her eyes. ‘Oh come on! You totally wanted to go with him! The only reason you didn’t was because your mum was sick. So don’t give me that.’

  I cringed at her words. Biting my lip, I peered at her through narrowed eyes. She was right. I had wanted to go with him.

  At the time, we were engaged, and when he got the job in Hong Kong, he had asked me to come with him. I had two years left of uni but had decided to take a study break in order to go with him. All our plans were prepared when I found out my mum had terminal cancer. I decided to stay home in order to take care of her and spend the last few months of her life with her.

  Jack still went.

  He had a job waiting for him, and an adventure to hunt down. His fiancé’s mum dying of cancer maybe should have been enough for him to change his plans, but I didn’t want to be the one to hold him back. And I didn’t want him to stay out of guilt. We told each other it would be good for us to have time apart, and that our relationship would have a chance to mature and grow stronger. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. So, we set out to do the long-distance relationship thing. We video called a couple of times, and we private messaged each other a lot. Still, it was only three weeks after he left that Jack broke up with me.

  Via email.

  At the time, I was hurt. Nothing in my life made sense any longer. Julia told me Jack seemed to like Hong Kong, and as much as I wanted to be spiteful and wish he would rot somewhere, I also was envious of him. My life was consumed with dealing with sickness and death and I wished so many times that I could have left it all behind and gone with him. Instead, the next six months brought one devastation after the other as I cared for my dying mum and waitressed. Mum needed more and more of my time, and I had less and less time to miss Jack.

  Still, I did miss him. Every day, I was sick with missing him.

  I missed his smile, the adventure of being around him, his enjoyment of life. And I missed having his shoulder to cry on as death seemed to be everywhere I turned, and I watched my mum get frailer and frailer as she went through months of treatment.

  ‘Listen, I don’t want to hurt you; I know that year was the most horrific year of your life, and I’m sorry about that.’ Sophia reached out to put her hand over mine, her eyes sad. ‘I can’t pretend that you didn’t want to go, though. You did.’

  I looked away as I remembered how every fibre of my being had longed to go with Jack to Hong Kong back then. And for months after Jack left, I had daydreamed about how life would have been different if I had gone with him.

  I swallowed to try to get rid of the lump in my throat. ‘Yes. I did.’ I sat up straight and looked her in the eyes as I said in a determined voice, ‘But that ship has sailed, and going down memory lane with Jack for three weeks is not going to be helpful to my mental health.’ That I was sure of.

  ‘What if this is the ship coming back for you? Maybe you should give it a chance?’ Julia said hopefully.

  I glared at her. No matter how many times I had told Julia that Jack and I weren’t ever getting back together, she still hoped I would change my mind. She had wanted us to be sisters in law ever since I first moved in next door, and as nice as that was, it was also delusional. ‘Yes, because heartbroken is my favourite state to be in, and I can’t wait for that to happen all over again.’

  ‘Right.’ Sophia rolled her eyes. ‘At this point the plans are that you will travel to Hong Kong with Jack and stay at his flat there. And when you go to China, he’ll go with you. So, whatever does or doesn’t happen between the two of you is up to you. But those are the plans.’

  ‘Great.’ Sophia was right; the plans were in place, so I might as well make peace with the whole thing. I closed
my eyes. I wasn’t sure it was possible to feel at peace about it, but I would try. ‘Has he booked his tickets already?’

  ‘Yes, he booked the same flights as you,’ Sophia confirmed with a nod. ‘I’m sorry, you know. Jack was pretty clear about his terms, though, and he wouldn’t budge no matter what I offered instead. So, there we are.’

  ‘Did Michael and Nick have terms as well?’ Julia asked as the food arrived. The two halves of a falafel wrap over a green salad with a side of hummus here was to die for. I sighed as I bit into the wrap.

  ‘No, they were both pretty eager to get involved. But Nick did say he was interested in going with you to Kenya, if you’re up for that, Julia?’

  ‘That would be fine,’ Julia said. I smiled as I thought of how Julia had been hostile toward Nick for years, but now she was planning a trip to Africa with him. It was nice to see them getting along for once.

  It struck me that with all these people coming onto the board, we would need clear expectations and agreements in place. I wasn’t about to end up in any more awkward situations or be blackmailed into doing anything else I didn’t want to do.

  I glanced at Sophia and said, ‘If you give me your notes, I’ll work on writing up some contracts for all of us, so we have it in writing.’

  ‘Really? Do we need contracts?’ Julia asked. ‘I mean, we’ve known the guys for years.’

  I took a deep breath. That was exactly why we needed contracts. The clearer things were up front, the less likely things were to spiral out of control. ‘It’s not to make things awkward; rather the opposite. It’s a way to protect our relationships. I’ll write up a contract for all of us to sign, with our different commitments laid out from the start. This way, everyone knows what we’re all agreeing to.’

  Julia didn’t seem convinced but nodded. ‘Ok, sure.’

  ‘We don’t come here often enough. This is amazing.’ Sophia sighed. ‘We might have to do some fundraising later, but for now, with Jack and Nick coming on board, we should have our start up costs covered.’

  ‘Great,’ I said. At least there was one upside to travelling with Jack. ‘I’ll adjust the budget.’